1. My body is filth, especially the softer bits. It is the site of sin. 2. The filthy body contains a soul. The soul is not defined but it is distinct from the body, though it is embodied. 3. When I die, it is only physically. If I have followed the Biblical guidance provided, I am entitled to go to Heaven where, in the state of rapturous ecstasy, I will experience eternity. 4. There are more descriptions of Hell than Heaven. Shit happens there. It seems less boring than Heaven, like, over the length of time you’re there. 5. Sex is solely for procreation. It is merely a function. No pleasure allowed. 6. Coitus can only occur in the sanctity of marriage to someone of the opposite sex, who is also a Christian. God is exempt, as is Mary, his mother (and girlfriend). 7. Jesus died for me, though we never met. 8. The Universe has purpose, meaning and direction. The Christians know what it is. 9. The Universe was built so we can worship Jesus. 10. Jesus is God. Jesus is also God’s son. I have a son. I am pretty sure he is not me. 11. Satan exists. He is another god. Do not worship him. 12. Accepting Jesus into my heart will keep me out of a very hot place. Nice incentive. I prefer Winnipeg weather. 13. Jesus loves me as long as I do exactly what the Bible says. If I waver, wander, stray or even think something outside of this context, I am fucked (not sexually but rather metaphorically, because I am not married). 14. Obey the Clerics. They know stuff. 15. Unbelievers are filthier than my body. 16. The Bible is a single, unified depiction of the creation of the universe and the spiritual redemption of mankind. Only a few of the authors knew each other, so it is actually a substantial achievement. No outlines, project plans, rewrites or implementation strategies were required. There were no editors in those days, either. 17. The Bible contains no contradictions or errors, and it is transcendent. Very much like mathematics. 18. The only acceptable insights into the human condition are within the pages of the Bible. It is quite thorough. Herr Doktor (Further Things Christianity has taught Herr Doktor HERE) As the 2014 Canadian Football League season nears, we have been seeing some mentions of a possible strike. The CFL Players’ Association (CFLPA) is to vote on a new collective bargaining agreement (CBA) before the start of the 2014 season as the current CBA expires on May 30th. Much of the rhetoric from the CFLPA involves their wanting revenue sharing back, something they gave up in the last CBA. The CFLPA made a critical negotiation error last time of giving up something that they may want back some day down the road. They argue that as the league has since signed a new and greater broadcasting agreement with TSN, revenue sharing should return. There’s also some token blather about player safety and a maximum number of days they have to practice in full padding (really, is practicing in their equipment a problem for a delicate little pro-athletes?). And, of course, they say if their demand are not met, they’ll strike. Blah blah blah… in essence that’s the publicly aired stance from the CFLPA. And really, pay no attention to it… there most certainly will not be a strike in the CFL to start this season. The CFL is a cute little football league in Canada with most of the revenue coming from the gate and stadium concessions. With the exception of Saskatchewan (where there is a general lack of notable entertainment given the small sizes of its cities/towns so people become obsessed with the Roughriders), football is only #2 or #3 in popularity in Canada depending on the region. Should there be a strike, an overwhelming majority of Canadians – even those who attend several CFL games a year (such as Yours Truly) – will collectively shrug their shoulders. Most CFL fans are rather passive in their fandemonium. They will not be assembling into mobs with torches and pitchforks, screaming at the owners to give the players what they want. The CFLPA’s support is essentially lacking, and they will not win the battle of public (fan) opinion. However, the main reason why there will not be a CFL strike is that most all the players will vote to ratify whatever CBA is put before them, no matter how one-sided it is towards the owners. Consider the typical American player who is playing in the CFL. Now too old for college ball, he either was not good enough to so much as crack a practice roster of an NFL team, or he had an extremely brief stint in the NFL, got cut, no other NFL team wants him, so he’s up here in Canada to make a few bucks. Probably never really gave a thought (or even heard of) the CFL until his agent told him. For someone who considers themselves an athlete, playing a few more years of football beats selling stereos in Best Buy or throwing tires around in a scrap yard in Arkansas. If he is lucky, he will have maybe three years to make some money here in Canada before he’s done. And on the matter of making a few bucks in Canada before it is all over for his pro-football career, relatively speaking, it is not huge bucks either. The average CFL player salary is about $80,000. That’s Canadian dollars, so for those American players who live ‘down south,’ it becomes relatively less. While $80k a year is certainly good money, if that was your annual income and then you had to suddenly go a year without making any money, it would be financially difficult and one would likely have to get that job at the junk yard or wherever. And let us not forget, many of these players have young children and expensive hobbies to support. The NHL players were able to easily strike… if you made a million (or more likely, millions) of dollars in 2012, you could comfortably spend 2013 on golf courses and lounging at the side of pools without needing a new income source. In short, the CFL players have a choice: sign on the dotted line for a CBA that is favourable to the owners, make a decent income and extend their pro career by a year or two, or get those resumes ready as McDonalds is always hiring! The Midtown Troll My formative years were spent within the context of the Cold War where fear and loathing of Russians, and their satellites, was considered appropriate, if not encouraged. Sometime after the cessation of that productive period of industrial and military expansion, I was encouraged to shift my focus to the Islamic radicals. This new enemy was smaller in size and not as economically powerful as our old enemy. But they were quite effective. Foolishly, at the time, I thought there might have been a link between Western (oil) interests, the uncritical support for Israel in the Middle East and the rise of Islamic fundamentalism. However, since the days of Bush Sr. I have learned that the West has been acting in the spirit of fellowship and goodwill. Our mission in the Middle East is to economically enhance the lives of its citizens and introduce them to the pleasures of democracy. This has been especially true since the WTC bombing of 2001. Recently, I have been feeling pressure to add to my list of enemies. In fact, it may not be a new enemy; rather it is an old one, the Russians. I am led to believe they are stirring sedition in Ukraine and unconstitutionally supported or encouraged, if you will, Crimea’s vote to secede. As I am not completely familiar with the context and histories of the Slavs, I turn to news sources and opinions of experts on the region. Fox, CNN, CBC and the BBC are the approved sources for this kind of exercise. After all, they get their information directly from government sources, sources which, apparently, have no vested interest in the matter. A month or two ago, I made an error in judgement and sought out the Russia Today (RT) news service to consider another perspective. I thought that to seek a balance of competing sources would give me some additional insight and further inform my opinion. I did not consider RT an alternative news source. Progressive politicos (the lunatic fringe, I am told) would likely sneer at my choice. However, I have learned that John Kerry has accused RT of being propagandists. Jen Psaki has also snubbed RT and those like-minded during a press conference announcement about a gathering on the Freedom of the Press. I could not bear the weight of this information so I immediately deleted the app on my tablet and hurriedly returned to my regular sources of truth. Given similar circumstances, I am certain you would do the same. To seek out official sources and accept their coverage and opinions uncritically is the mark of good citizenship. Dissenting voices are fine as long as they are not given serious attention or a larger platform. We must rest in the comfort of the leadership, guidance and insights our officials provide. It is for our own good. Officials let us know that the 2011 Fukushima disaster (isolated only to a small section of northern Japan) would have no effect in the West; neither would the leaks reach our atmosphere nor our western shores. Recall that the Chernobyl disaster of 1986 was responsible for less than 50 deaths and a mere 1% increase in childhood thyroid cancers in Belarus (WHO). It would appear that I am in error by calling these events disasters. Minor mishaps would be more appropriate. Perhaps they were only slight errors in the risks associated with control and containment. Eventually, I suppose, they will have never occurred. I feel at ease now. I have benevolent leaders and their spokespeople providing me with the narrative I require to continue my contributions to the Western cause. I shall earn a living to consume goods and worry more about celebrity gossip than the intricacies of propaganda wars (while the actual wars continue) or the complexities of international relations. I feel good. Don’t you? Herr Doktor I dislike obnoxious, obstreperous, boisterous, and vociferous people. They think they have to spew every thought that invades their small minds in a loud, forceful way. God pity the poor slobs who marry these chirping chickens. It usually is women for some reason who are the big yappers. These hens seem to think they can eject any superficial nonsense without a second thought. You will also notice that yappy people can't stay focused on a single subject for longer than 20-30 seconds. Their minds are impulsive and pinball like. An example: a person is having a conversation with them about the death of an older acquaintance and will say, "she was old, 94, but she still had most of her mind intact." The yapper will absorb that thought for .4 seconds and retort with this: "that reminds me, I stepped on a tack the other day and thought I was going to have my foot amputated." Their minds are bouncing around like a frantic weasel on acid.To keep their babbling effective they also talk very loudly. The windstorm of poppycock flowing from their bionic beaks must be drilled into their cornered quarry. These people should all be tied up, forced into swimwear and physically thrown into those 1980's isolation water tanks. Let them float in there until their chaotic internal dialogue drives them to the razor thin edge of the abyss of insanity! Below is one of my neighbours. Every time I walk down the hallway to the elevator I hear this Yapper. Not sure if she is on the phone, has passive company or is babbling to herself. But she is loud. Chinese is being spoken most of the time. Zen Yetimoto "This morning I awoke on a lovely Sunday and as the sun warmed by soul, I remembered how Lucky we all are to have each day! " " When I woke up, the stench of burning tires filled my suite because some Saturday night party shit decided it would be fun to start a dumpster fire. Then, when I went outside to get a cup of coffee I slipped in fresh vomit mixed with clots of blood. Yes, indeed... Sunday. BTW, a dude recovering from being roofied last night told me to give you a message Lucky, he said "Go Fuck Yourself! " Let’s explore the seal hunt a little bit.
In Canada we see over 5 million harp seals that migrate around the cool waters of our east coast. Swimming, bobbing and eating their way through the Atlantic as they glide towards the ice flows within and around the Gulf of St. Lawrence, on a mission to birth their young. 12 to 15 days after releasing a white furry bundle of fat, the mother fucks off. Her job is done and the little seal pup will float around on the ice until it gets the courage to dive into the water and begin its own journey. Polar bears and whales dine on these floating meals, encouraged by the ease of accessibility. These plump, helpless targets present a resource that can be mined for meat, fur and oils. If you have ever been into this area of Canada you are well aware how desolate, and seemingly devoid of options the environment can seem to contain, but when the seals cull on the ice, there is a situation presented by nature that has long been a sustaining force in Northern areas and communities. The harp seal, which is not in danger of extinction and actually not even close to being a threatened species, will continue to migrate, following dwindling cod stocks through the waters. Their numbers are far more dependant on the effects of fishing industries on their own food supplies and while we continue to over fish the oceans, animals like the harp seal will decline accordingly. The current federally regulated Canadian seal hunt that takes place from November until May is not causing the harp seal population to be irreversibly decimated. What is in decline is the ability for Northern Canadian communities to sustain themselves and maintain in the North. What they need is assistance building new, strong housing and the creation of permanent infrastructure. Many Northern Peoples live in shanty shit houses. Scraped together from abandon research facilities and what random supplies make their way up to them. These are a strong people that battle the environment every single day and adapt as mother nature takes a big dump on their heads. These communities are small and can be difficult to even find on a map, but they house people that have adapted to the specific concerns the North presents. The struggles they face constantly challenge them to remain in their ancestral lands or move to warmer, southern economic centres just to survive. These people would love to have some help if your handing it out Sir Paul. The harp seals are abundant, the people in the north are endangered. While movie flakes and music clowns shake their PR chains by denouncing the seal hunt and announcing they are “fighting” for the poor helpless pups, what are they doing to help the thousands of people in desolate areas that participate and benefit from the hunt. These people do what it takes to continue existing and many of these communities have gained sustenance from seals for thousands of years. While their existence isn’t solely reliant on seals, it is one component in a very delicate balance that they have found between life and death. Go ahead, criticize the hunt, make the push to get yourself in the news, but also consider those left behind in your wake of misinformation and misguided self promotion. So here’s a message to all the bleeding heart hypocrites that pretend to know…You wanna help? Help those in danger. Help those in Northern Canada that are battling severe abuse problems in their communities because the youth feel they have no future. Go help the poverty stricken reserves in the Canadian North that not only have an identity crisis but health concerns that are destroying their people. The harp seal is fine….it will still have a swimmingly good time in the ocean and continue doing its thing, despite the seal hunts. Get your head out of your pompous ass and go to Northern Canada to see the real struggles then decide where to focus your PR machine shit. In ’78, the great oceanographer Jacques Coustea stated, "We have to be logical. We have to aim our activity first to the endangered species. Those who are moved by the plight of the harp seal could also be moved by the plight of the pig – the way they are slaughtered is horrible." Make the effort, understand the challenges and really give your energy to a substantial cause not a hollywood campaign. Science has led us to an understanding of reality that has nullified the previous societal crutches of mysticism and ignorance based superstitions. The unknowns of the past have shed the cloaks of mystery to be revealed in truth under the light of scientific method. What once caused fear in hearts is now understood. Lighting is not the wrath of an angry god and droughts are not punishment from above (or below). The power of science has lifted humanity from the darkness of limited thinking to the clarity of precise observation. The combined scientific efforts to observe, understand and validate what the real is can be found in the greatness of space exploration. Through the tools we have created, we can peer into the oceans of space and understand our own world as it exists among many. There is no other social, economic or philosophical exploration that can aspire to these great heights.
The Cassini-Huygens Mission was launched in 1997 and after numerous fly-bys and accelerated ricochets, the Cassini cameras continue to click away, showing, documenting and educating minds as to the amazing properties of cosmic interactions and further proving Einstein’s theory of relativity. The physics and the mathematics behind these endeavours is astounding and impressive. The proven fundamentals of science have led us to true understandings of what the big picture is. No smoke and mirrors and no bullshit. Every solution and every bit of data that leads towards those discoveries should be celebrated as ground breaking events. Outside of humanity’s struggles with itself and misunderstanding about what the focus of life should be, there is a celestial orchestra and dance that despite our ignorance, we are part of. This is truth and this is all we can really be sure of. Most obsessions we hold are ephemeral and transient, while the truths we can gain through the obsession of scientific endeavour hold far more value in concrete terms. The Huygens probe would have never made it onto Titan with prayer or chicken blood. What it took was looking at established facts, predictable outcomes based on these facts and scientific and technical focus to produce the equipment required for discovery. If as much energy was put into the pursuit of scientific truths as it was in the pursuit of folk tales and consumer plastic junk, humanity would more than likely have done away with ongoing ailments like poverty and war. More than likely…but we’ll never know until we stop wasting our time by hiding from facts and blissfully playing into the greedy hands of those that want you to remain ignorant and unaware. Knowledge really is power and while we live in an age where information is accessible in ways never previously presented, much of the population chooses to stay in the darkness of the cave. Science has taught us, all life must adapt or perish in the onslaught of change. A quote by the great Carl Sagan: "We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology." Lucky: Maintaining a positive attitude will bring you success and happiness.
Unlucky: I found this particularly helpful after my father’s limbs were severed in a horrific bout of bone cancer. The bone cancer was discovered after his colon was removed. He now shits in a bag. Dad is always upbeat and carefree. In fact, now he’s talking about competing in a triathlon. Aim high, Dad, you can do it! Lucky: If you want to be rich, think rich. Unlucky: Yeah, that works well, especially when your mother is a crack whore and your dad is doing hard time for pimping. “I am an adolescent orphan and impoverished.” No, that’s not right. “I am going to make money work for me. I need to call my broker.” Lucky: Each day is a blessing. Be thankful. Unlucky: That’s how I felt when my wife’s attorneys squeezed my last earned cent from me. No assets, no prospects, and banned from seeing the kids. Truly, I am blessed. Thanks Lucky! Lucky: Pay it forward. One good deed will reward you tenfold. Unlucky: I gave a stranger my last ten bucks hoping that somehow I would be rewarded and the world would be a better place. Now I’ve got no money and he’s got a six pack. Fuck! Lucky: Find joy in the simple things. Unlucky: My prostate is the size of a fucking melon. When I can pee, it is a drop or two at a time. Boundless joy, indeed. Lucky: God loves you. Unlucky: Whose God? I’m thinking that God actually hates all of us. If there was a God and he did love us, there would be no religion. Do you, like, follow the news? Lucky: All you need is love. Unlucky: No, all I need is food, shelter and a regular source of income. When poverty walks in the door, love flies out the window. Asshole! Lucky: Always be kind to strangers. Unlucky: That really worked when those huffers held me up at the bus stop last week. I showed them kindness and they showed me a blade. Lucky: Remember a customer can hear a smile. Unlucky: Fuck you! Lucky Are you in Winnipeg and surrounding areas? If you are then do you know of the S.H.E.D.? This is the city’s attempt at rejuvenating the downtown experience and stimulating commerce in the core. The full schtick is “ Sports, Hospitality & Entertainment District” just so y’know. The area encompassed within the SHED includes the Convention Centre, MTS Centre, the glossed up Met, Burton Gambler's Theatre, the RWB and the Millennium Library. This area is from now and forever more to be known as the thriving SHED (as per your city)! Are you excited? Does this make you want to spend the afternoon with the family in downtown Winnipeg? If so, please peruse this factual story first, then decide. Regardless, the facts remain consistent with the past. Winnipeggers generally avoid downtown unless they live there, work there, have a Dr’s appointment there, go to MTS or are forced to meet a friend at some SHED location to dine….otherwise…cut the bullshit…no one comes downtown of their own free will. The city has faith in you though. They feel that you will want to indulge in all the SHED has to offer from Casino’s (Shark Club) to a fancy pants reno'd MET to the safe bubble of Cop Shop HQ in the old Canada Post building. What the city also has faith in is that the common elements of downtown Winnipeg can be hidden, pushed away or at the least, kept at bay. The city hopes the commotions orbiting the Giant Tiger and other discount dumpsters around Portage can be ignored and heel clicked away. Good Luck with that. The city is relying on a common trait of most interlopers to downtown Winnipeg; put your head in the sand and pretend the socio-economic realities of Winnipeg are gone! So let’s unite fellow Winnipeggers, let’s love the SHED and congregate by the big shitty sculpture in the Millennium Library skate park while we ignore the realities of urban dynamics scurrying in the shadows cast by big, pretentious circular screens and cab headlights. Come, let us spend our money on making Winnipeg a vibrant and energized metropolis! Oh…you’re busy? Not interested? Going to a BBQ by the Perimeter…oh well…at least the city tried. Angry Downtownite Boston Pizza in Shittyplace has at times been a meeting place for The DSC, as it is considered Not The Worst Place To Drink in downtown Winnipeg. That said, there are an awfully lot of bad places to grab a beer, so it is a ‘lesser of evils’ type of selection. Want a good beer on tap? Too bad, so sad for you. Boston Pizza only serves generic pisswater beer on tap. Even their bottle selection is lacking. Want a bite to eat? The food is decent for what it is. Nothing to write home about, it is obviously just frozen stuff the ‘chef’ heated up. Music can help to bring about a decent atmosphere. Unfortunately, at Boston Pizza the waitresses only play what they want to hear. Get ready for horrible pop music of today: Beiber, Katy Perry, Smiley Virus, et al, will be played in regular rotation and far too loud. If this is supposed to be a sports bar, perhaps something more appropriate such as classic rock? Nope, you’re out of luck. Regulars include annoying ‘bros’ and vagrants. Boston Pizza still hasn’t clued in that if they operate a bar in downtown Winnipeg, at least one employee who is (or can effectively double as) a security guard would be a fine idea. The waitresses aren’t equipped to be hauling out backwards-hat-wearing drunken bros puking on themselves, or nasty vagrants with already-puke-coated-clothing stumbling in and trying to bum smokes from patrons. One of the few advantages is the multiple TVs for watching a sporting event. That said, too many times the serving staff have mucked up the audio/visual experience. If your bar has, say, 25 televisions, and 24 are displaying The Big Game, then perhaps don’t base the bar’s audio source on the one lone TV that is showing golf. As well, if some of the TVs that are broadcasting The Big Game are set to non-HD, and others to HD, the slight time lag becomes a nuisance. Complaining to waitresses generates no solutions, you must wait however long it takes for a manager to arrive on the scene to fix these issues. It is a well known fact that Daddy Issues and attention-seeking can be a severe affliction for many young women today. It has also created a nuisance at places such as Boston Pizza… For example, one time, Yours Truly was having a drink with some of the members of the DSC and all of our drinks were empty and had been for some time. The bar was also nearly empty, and there was our waitress, looking bored and blankly staring at the floor. Tried to get her attention to no avail. What did she do instead? She suddenly looked up towards the ceiling, held up her phone as high as her arm would reach and pointed it down towards herself, thrust out her chest, and made a ‘duck face.’ With the flash of her phone’s camera, a selfie was shot. She then quickly toyed around with her phone (no doubt uploading to Facebook with the text “like OMG, I’m like so totally at work right now LOL!”), and then immediately went back to looking bored. Alas, one of us eventually had to approach her to get another round ordered. And just like any other such bar frequented by bros, the waitresses fully engage in flirting for tips. Quite annoying when done following subpar service, and usually at its peak when paying the bill. Some sad guys fall victim to this (remember that South Park episode with the restaurant Raisins?) and think “wow, she likes me, she must really really like me! I’ll tip her real good and maybe she’ll come home with me!” so it is a strategy many servers employ and Boston Pizza is no different. Fake-flirting when bringing the bills to counter subpar service… are you surprised? It’s less effort on their part than being attentive to their tables’ food and drink situation. Again, a sad state for downtown Winnipeg if Boston Pizza is one of the lesser annoying places to go for a beer. The Midtown Troll Several years ago I was laid off from a comfortable job with a then well-established company within Winnipeg. “Laid-off” was the term my former employer used. I had been there nearly 10 years. Closer to reality, I was fired. Usually when one is laid-off, you are called back once more work is on the way. However, my portfolio of accounts at the time was significant and I had several projects on the go. The department to which I belonged decided to control their operational costs by reorganizing. My Boss and his Boss were also let go. It was decided initially that all workers who were managing accounts remotely (that is from our Winnipeg office) were to be released and the work would be distributed to those who remained. In all, forty people over the course of a couple of weeks, all from my division, were released from their employment. As part of my severance package I participated in a weekly career and job search seminar. One of the activities used to breed familiarity amongst our diverse but downtrodden group was to guess other’s professions. Our success rate was poor but it did prompt laughter and lively discussion. However, there was one exception that we scored with a near 90% accuracy. Most of us guessed who the customer service professional was. He had purple and brown circles under his eyes which bore a weariness that made him appear significantly older than his 45yrs. He was dishevelled but well spoken. Now, we could attribute his look to his then current circumstances but given that we were all in a similar situation, we understood the toll his profession had taken on him over the years. At that point in my job experience I had only limited exposure to customer service work. That is no longer the case. I feel his pain. Many of you out there probably do, as well. Working on the telephone can be rewarding for some but it is very difficult work. Customer service reps eat shit for a living. As a representative of the company or account, you are expected to maintain a “professional” demeanor, especially in the face of adversity. To add to your stress levels, your performance is constantly monitored, measured, evaluated, tweaked, coached and judged. At times the representative can feel very alone. Angry customers are just part of the equation. Senior management, often unaware of the experience of the customer service rep, make strategic decisions which may look good for a client but can wreak havoc on the folks speaking to the customers. The calls can be relentless. One after the other they flood the ear, followed by more, and then some. It is a virtual torrent of ups downs and performance anxiety. The reps are expected to maintain a vast reservoir of knowledge as there are updates sent if not hourly, then certainly daily. Resolution databases can be poorly maintained, out of date, or worse, suffer bandwidth issues. Try looking up a solution when there is an angry customer on hold and the page will no load. The responsibilities of our beaten representative grow and the rate of pay remains the same. Are you ready for a stroke? Perhaps a heart attack? Good luck with your application for stress leave. When one works in customer service, your disdain for the Canadian public can grow exponentially. But please take comfort, go to the local grocery or department store and look at the folks behind the customer service counter. Now, that is stress. Think about how you should to speak to these folks before you call. That would help us all. Herr Doktor (Continued from HERE) 1. Herr Doktor sees value in goods in terms of their price (the more costly the object, the more value he ascribes to it). We suspect that Herr Doktor may be both a frothing- at-the-mouth capitalist and object fetishist. 2. Herr Doktor extols the virtues and norms of private sector work over the rational, technocratic and hyper-bureaucratic environment of say, government work (which the DSC holds in high regard). 3. Herr Doktor does not reside on or near Donald Street. A sub-committee has been formed to further investigate how it was that he became a full-fledged member of the DSC. 4. Herr Doktor is an immigrant. The DSC believes that this is worth repeating. 5. Herr Doktor is not modest about his book learning and his prose reeks of bourgeois pretensions. 6. Herr Doktor has been overheard extolling the virtues of the Canadian beaver. The DSC will not tolerate this romanticized version of the Canadian hinterland. Disciplinary action may be warranted if this persists. 7. Herr Doktor has little tolerance for folk music. This is a serious affront to Winnipeggers. 8. Herr Doktor does not contribute to DSC conversations about local and national politics. The DSC believes he should. See #4 above. 9. Herr Doktor will be fined the costs of this Ad Hoc meeting. 10. The DSC has learned through sources that Herr Doktor might possess an autographed photo of the current Canadian Prime Minister. (the debate continues HERE) Herr Doktor After living for years across the street from the Korean controlled Sun Food Mart, I have decided to do a critique of the sandwich offerings at the little convenience store. For $7.50 you can purchase the double cheeseburger. The 2 burgers are likely made in Calgary and shipped over here in a container on a semi truck. A person has to be drunk as a skunk to actually enjoy this treat. The buns look like they were spewed out of a volcano, hard and sand-like. The patties have the taste of dried-up paint. But if you are highly intoxicated and douse the burgers with copious amounts of ketchup they can be digested with satisfaction. The Steakhouse Roast Beef Sandwich only costs $8.29. I think these are made in Singapore as they are suffering from severe Jetlag. Tasteless yet filling, the sandwich does the trick if you are going for a major hike through the Grand Canyon. It will not go bad in +40 C temps and will provide the necessary calories for energy. The Bistro Deluxe Sandwich will make you barf after you pound one of these back after drinking 12 beers. It is a great gut cleanser. The human body will not tolerate the ingredients in the Bistro Deluxe. The lettuce in the sandwich was likely grown in Huyuan province, China. It tastes like air pollution and is as dry as a downtown bum. And lastly the Triple-Decker Torpedo Submarine Sandwich made up of Black forest ham, Genoa salami and Swiss cheese with lettuce and Dijon mustard on Asiago bread. This sandwich was probably made in Silicon Valley using a 3-D printer. This sandwich is unpalatable, insipid, bland and flat. But at least it doesn't make you upchuck. Drink 14 Extra Old Stock beers and the sandwich gets better. But the next morning you may not want to breath in another humans direction as you could make them pass out. The little Korean ladies at Sun Food Mart, they have been in Canada for 30 years and still can't speak English, only charge $10.50 for the Triple-Decker. Remember most guys that buy this sandwich are pissed out of their minds. No regard for quality cuisine or cost in that state. Just have to thank the Lord of Donald Street that Chicago Phil's pizza joint is 2 doors down. Zen Yetimoto Every morning when I'm off to the grind and I traverse Donald Street, I am accosted, harassed and pressured by an army of downtown denizens. It is always the same thing, with slight variances in wording, but it goes something like this, "Hey. Do you have any change? No. How 'bout a smoke?" Every single morning I hear it. At least from the ones that can cognitively form words through their huff, booze, who knows what induced fog . I do not give anything to the beggars yet they still ask me for the same shit every time. Do I have a target on my mellon? No...no target, but there is some sort of precedence that has been set up downtown. The real problem is that there is actually an infrastructure for Pan Handlers to make a go of it. The problem is you! No not you, the other one over there. You who give them your pocket scraps and cigs. You may think you are being sweetly and contributing to some iota of happy in the world...but you are not. That $1 you gave the obvious substance abuser...he bought rubber cement to huff and then shit himself at Portage Place. That dude who said he " just needed a couple bucks to get home." went and bought crack and didn't make it home. You are helping nothing by giving the Pan Handlers your tokens of wealth. You are actually making every morning that I wake up and have to repeatedly say "No!" a painful experience. When you give them money, they expect it from every person that walks by. Why try actually looking for a job, cleaning yourself up, exploring a sense of self, using an actual toliet...when you can just get some Suburbanite House-Bitch or hipster flake douche to throw you $2 everyday and all you have to do is look like a piece o' shit. Here's an idea? You really wanna help them? Do you really wanna earn yourself into some bullshit kingdom? Take them home with you. Feed them. No? Then make 10 bagged lunches before work and hand them out to the beggars when they ask for change. Oh...they won't take it. That's because they don't want actual "good" things, they want shit. They want to feed habits and make all the pain dull and drift into a day long blur. Do you really wanna be the cool kid on the street?... make a sidewalk community stand by just outside Citi Place. Have all the nice little pamphlets about government education grants and adult programs to help people make resumes. Have a big smile on your face and really try to help people. I dare you. I've seen some groups try this. It did one thing, it cleared the area out for a while of that dreg element. So, please...stop throwing beggars your bullshit trinkets and just say, "No"...or "No thank you." if you please. Just spare me, and the legion of others that get harangued daily, from your pathetic attempt at making things better. You're not. Angry Downtownite (Referencing the previous post: Motions Carried at the Last DSC Meeting Concerning Herr Doktor) Dear Colleagues: Thank-you for your recent consideration and thoughtful meeting on Thursday last. It is a rare occasion, indeed, that our efforts could be focused on some of my more salient features given our already heavy agenda. For that, I am sincerely grateful. However accurate and meaningful these motions were, I felt it necessary to speak out of turn (that is, without group consensus) and share with our readers some of the characteristics of the DSC. Please not think of this a retaliatory measure. No, not at all. Rather, this is a celebration of our group characteristics and dynamic. Please accept it in the spirit of fellowship. 1. The average age of the DSC is 71yrs. 2. The DSC thinks the past is meaningful and cowers from the present. 3. The DSC is secretly fans of TV evangelicals. 4. The DSC embraces the WWE as the pinnacle of artistic achievement. 5. The DSC understands dumpster diving as an art form. 6. The DSC has only twice been beyond the Perimeter Highway. 7. The DSC believes the Beaver to be the scourge of the Canadian wilderness. 8. The DSC thinks the X-Files was a documentary series. 9. The DSC sees FOX News as gospel. 10. The DSC suffers from erectile tissue dysfunction. Respectfully, Herr Doktor (The debate continues HERE) Decent enough selection of items in the buffet. This is Campbell's Soup style cooking. Perfect cubes and minced veggies. Ingredients are not the best of quality...but c'mon, it's cheap. Worth it for the price. Steer clear of the overpriced regular menu items. Good...but too expensive for what they are. Also has a $15 range take out buffet option that may be limited in options ( chana, rice, 1 veg and 1 meat) but a great, fast alternative to sitting down in this less than original decor. Some good take out options for filling grub. Licensed with a comfortable bar that has the prerequisite tv screens pasted in the corners. Better options are available, and while this place should be avoided generally, for the price, you can do worse. Check 'em Out! Sir Omnyvore A to be expected breakfast menu that gives patrons exactly what they walk in for. Eggs, bacon, watered down coffee, omelettes and a surprising variety of eggs benedict. Fresh reno's have given the place a facelift and a thorough cleaning. The Don's of the past was beat to shit and greased up...charming in its own seedy way, but the renovations were a much needed touch. You really can't go wrong with Don's if standard breakfast fare is on your mind. Hidden in the back is a cool dining area that fully realizes the downtown diner vibe. Sneak back there for an all encompassing Donald Street breakfast experience. I'm sure they serve lunch but who cares. It's not for that. Check it Out! Sir Omnyvore Riding the edge of the Exchange like a coyote in the bush line, Yellow Dog has a cozy, welcoming menu and feel. While the establishment itself feels a little run down, the plentiful Pub Grub options will satisfy most appetites. Mature Servers that generally know their stuff highlight this good, friendly neighborhood pub. Although the high temp and sweat factor is high when the 'Peg heats up due to the cheapness of the bartender/owner to install some sort of air circulation, this is still a reliable and stable hang out located across from Giant Tiger on Donald. Give it a shot, best when no big ticket shows on as this little joint packs up real tight on events nights. Map yo! Sir Omnyvore My poor toliet. My experience with McDonald's has affected both my bowels and my sense of self preservation, and both are irreparably scarred. No matter how hard this mega corporation tries to convince anyone that their food is healthy, the obvious effects are felt by billions that have been served! Since 1955, (un)lucky cheapskates have dined on sodium rich wanna-beef and Carcinogen laden fries. Everywhere Mc's opens, toilet paper sales go through the roof. Someone is getting very rich off the McDonald's and TP connection. I will confess...Mc's has been part of my own upbringing and fond memories of Happy Meals, Big Macs and birthday parties involving velocities and vomit reside pleasantly in my memories, but I can't justify the complete self sabotage involved in consuming the acceptably feeble attempt of making "food" that McDonald Inc. endeavors to dominate us with. Convenience was McDonald's fortay 15 years ago, but there are many better choices pretty much everywhere now. Sorry Mc's...we all know better. Sir Omnyvore Seriously...the Schnitzel and Potato Salad are perfection. If you're lucky, Borscht will be the soup of the day and you will feel truly blessed. Cozy little Sherbrook location feels warm and stimulating. Weekends dictate a reso but weekdays are walk in. A must go. Bistro Dansk here! Sir Omnyvore Okay, let's be up front here. This is not where you are gonna take your mom & dad when they drive in to town. This is for hungry bar-stars and those familiar with it that come regularly. It's charms are mostly in its history to Winnipeg and any given individual. This Chinese food restaurant serves such a multitude of items that your head will spin. The menu is a text book. From traditional fare such as various Duck dishes right up to sizzling satay plates, this largish sit in/take-out establishment will not leave you hungry. Definitely in a seedier part of town and make sure you lock your doors. They seem to always be open, but I think they shut it down at 4 am. Fairly dirty interior with acceptable service but don't expect any freebies or hand-outs. This is Ken's business and it is obvious he is here to make money. I enjoy it from time to time but I always get the feeling cooks are potentially being tortured in the back. Ken's Site! Sir Omnyvore |
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