2. The filthy body contains a soul. The soul is not defined but it is distinct from the body, though it is embodied.
3. When I die, it is only physically. If I have followed the Biblical guidance provided, I am entitled to go to Heaven where, in the state of rapturous ecstasy, I will experience eternity.
4. There are more descriptions of Hell than Heaven. Shit happens there. It seems less boring than Heaven, like, over the length of time you’re there.
5. Sex is solely for procreation. It is merely a function. No pleasure allowed.
6. Coitus can only occur in the sanctity of marriage to someone of the opposite sex, who is also a Christian. God is exempt, as is Mary, his mother (and girlfriend).
7. Jesus died for me, though we never met.
8. The Universe has purpose, meaning and direction. The Christians know what it is.
9. The Universe was built so we can worship Jesus.
10. Jesus is God. Jesus is also God’s son. I have a son. I am pretty sure he is not me.
11. Satan exists. He is another god. Do not worship him.
12. Accepting Jesus into my heart will keep me out of a very hot place. Nice incentive. I prefer Winnipeg weather.
13. Jesus loves me as long as I do exactly what the Bible says. If I waver, wander, stray or even think something outside of this context, I am fucked (not sexually but rather metaphorically, because I am not married).
14. Obey the Clerics. They know stuff.
15. Unbelievers are filthier than my body.
16. The Bible is a single, unified depiction of the creation of the universe and the spiritual redemption of mankind. Only a few of the authors knew each other, so it is actually a substantial achievement. No outlines, project plans, rewrites or implementation strategies were required. There were no editors in those days, either.
17. The Bible contains no contradictions or errors, and it is transcendent. Very much like mathematics.
18. The only acceptable insights into the human condition are within the pages of the Bible. It is quite thorough.
(Further Things Christianity has taught Herr Doktor HERE)