Unlucky: I found this particularly helpful after my father’s limbs were severed in a horrific bout of bone cancer. The bone cancer was discovered after his colon was removed. He now shits in a bag. Dad is always upbeat and carefree. In fact, now he’s talking about competing in a triathlon. Aim high, Dad, you can do it!
Lucky: If you want to be rich, think rich.
Unlucky: Yeah, that works well, especially when your mother is a crack whore and your dad is doing hard time for pimping. “I am an adolescent orphan and impoverished.” No, that’s not right. “I am going to make money work for me. I need to call my broker.”
Lucky: Each day is a blessing. Be thankful.
Unlucky: That’s how I felt when my wife’s attorneys squeezed my last earned cent from me. No assets, no prospects, and banned from seeing the kids. Truly, I am blessed. Thanks Lucky!
Lucky: Pay it forward. One good deed will reward you tenfold.
Unlucky: I gave a stranger my last ten bucks hoping that somehow I would be rewarded and the world would be a better place. Now I’ve got no money and he’s got a six pack. Fuck!
Lucky: Find joy in the simple things.
Unlucky: My prostate is the size of a fucking melon. When I can pee, it is a drop or two at a time. Boundless joy, indeed.
Lucky: God loves you.
Unlucky: Whose God? I’m thinking that God actually hates all of us. If there was a God and he did love us, there would be no religion. Do you, like, follow the news?
Lucky: All you need is love.
Unlucky: No, all I need is food, shelter and a regular source of income. When poverty walks in the door, love flies out the window. Asshole!
Lucky: Always be kind to strangers.
Unlucky: That really worked when those huffers held me up at the bus stop last week. I showed them kindness and they showed me a blade.
Lucky: Remember a customer can hear a smile.
Unlucky: Fuck you!