- We shall clean the streets when it does the least to inhibit traffic flow. We prefer to interrupt the sleep of our townsfolk instead.
- All vehicles will be equipped with backup warning signals that will be heard throughout the night and overseas.
- In a similar fashion, grit will be removed from the streets once the snow has melted. (If it melts, why remove it?)
- The mosquito eradication program shall be discussed at length. We believe we can control the population of this life-threatening parasite which has survived since the time of the dinosaurs.
- Chemicals will be sprayed into standing pools of water. Homeowner’s are responsible for any standing pools on their property. The pools on top of flat roofed buildings shall remain untouched and no one’s responsibility. The mosquitoes, in the spirit of cooperation, stay clear of the flat-roofed towers downtown.
- There are no health risks or risks to the ecosystem that can be ascribed to the use of the harmless chemicals we employ. The folks in the Winnipeg Woodlot are the true threat to public health as they encourage the spread of the West Nile Virus through their annual insecticide protests.
- Road construction shall take place along major routes only, commencing in the spring and extending into late fall. Enjoy your summer, folks!
- Potholes and poor road conditions are a feature of our urban experience. Embrace them, Winnipeggers!
- Street crime exists. Our police make arrests, process the offenders, and conduct investigations. It is not our responsibility to address root causes. That task belongs to other agencies and other levels of government. Crime will not be an agenda item in the forthcoming election. Social and economic disparity shall also be ignored.
- Winnipeg is One Great City!
Herr Doktor