" He was throwing the packs really hard at us...he was warned!" Officer O' Slippinfingar stated.
Neither officer involved in the event will be formally investigated or even burdened with having to explain themselves. The victim remains stable in hospital despite a melon sized hole in his chest and he now faces severe jail time for more than just stealing the smokes. Each pack of cigarettes he threw at the cops is being considered an individual assault with a weapon charge against a police officer. He threw 4 packs of smokes.
After the tripping jumper exited the stink waters of the Assiniboine River, he quickly succumbed to gangrene, typhoid fever, emphysema and hair loss. Police threw him in a plastic box until his trip wore off. He is now rehydrating in hospital and told sources,
" All I wanted to do was have a nice trip and look at trees but as soon as Rambo started getting abused by the cops, I saw red. That's all I remember."
Doctors say that while the trip from the mushrooms subsided over several hours, the effects of the river water will physically and mentally damage the Village Tripper for life.
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